May 26, 2009

Relationship Experiment

Posted in Business, Life tagged , , , , , , , , at 11:37 pm by lindaslongview

ExperimentArtI participate in a Ning Social Networking (NSN) site, called Triiibes. The site is composed of Seth Godin blog and book followers. I find it rewarding to converse with others inspired by Seth, because interesting dialogues develop and they push my thinking. Some of the dialogues revolve around requests for advice or opinion on a specific idea. Sometimes the threads can become tangential, but for the most part they stay topical.

One of the things that I really like about NSN and blogging is that both are asynchronous. I can participate when I have time and contribute much or little. No one is ever late or overstays. Everyone comes and goes at their pace.

Because I am only somewhat active at Triiibes, I have not collected many “friends.” My “friends” are those folks whom I have shared dialogue, experience, or camaraderie – folks with whom I have developed an online relationship.

Last week, a member of Triiibes posted about a specific business idea that led to many responses. Most applauded her idea and encouraged her to proceed. One participant requested clarification on why someone should do business with her. When I read her response, I was dissatisfied because half of her responses were either slightly negative or negative. If she reframed her responses (and thinking) to be much more positive, she would benefit from the Law of Attraction, which follows the long view advice of Create Positivity (Headwinds and Wobble).

I knew as I prepared a well-intentioned response post that, even if I was thoughtful and kind, I was unlikely to receive an acknowledgement because I was offering unsolicited constructive advice to someone with whom I did not have an established relationship. As such, my response post was an experiment. Does one have to first establish a relationship before one can lead (offer advice) in the NSN medium as is required in the face-to-face (F2F) medium?

Predictably, my post went unacknowledged. The author responded to many other posts around my own, but mine was unmistakably invisible (although other participants commented on my suggestions). This reaffirms the long view principle that my horse taught me (Remembering Wyo): Build a relationship before you ask to lead (including the giving of constructive advice).

Although I hope that I personally would welcome all constructive advice (because it is part of long view thinking), I realize my own humanity (and vanity) and am not sure if the situation were reversed that I would have thanked the unsolicited advisor myself. I will continue to strive to achieve what Scott suggests – be open-minded enough that people do not have to “be careful what they say.”

In the meantime, I am glad that I got the “expected outcome” (no acknowledgement) because the unexpected result would have challenged my assumptions and caused me to do additional testing and/or wonder why NSN was different!

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4 Comments »

  1. I like what you said about creating positivity. It sounds like another way to say the Law of Attraction. But, your phrase helps me to see it better than seeing so scientifically. It makes it easier for me to understand.

    • lindaslongview said,

      I am glad to find another angle for you.

      Creating positivity invokes the Law of Attraction that all humans have for desiring to be connected to those who are self-confident, authentic, honest, and caring. Megan Hustad does an awesome job of describing these very points in her book, “How to Be Useful: A Beginner’s Guide to Not Hating Work.”

      • And I love that. It is really hard to be positive around negative people and I feel that they would be blocking the good vibes. Do you agree?

      • lindaslongview said,

        Absolutely, negative people can be frustrating, which is why must be disciplined for the Long View and Stay Positive. I wrote recently wrote “More Wednesdays” on just that topic. Enjoy!


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